Toxic Family Members; Living Without the Abuse

Toxic Family Members; Living Without the Abuse

My Recovery

Just over nine months have passed since the beginning of my worst nightmare and I finally decided enough was enough.  In that time I have talked with my mother only once. That was more than enough to realize that I truly did make the right decision to end contact. I am officially in the recovery stage from the abuse and torment I endured for most of my life.

As I mentioned in my last post, Toxic Family Members, and How to Live With Them… I miss my grandpa and brother the most. However, talking with my brother last week proved that the damage was done and there was no reversing it.

The Damage

My mom’s hatred for my partner had become so high that she was able to convince my family to call my son by his middle name rather than his birth name (the same as his father.) This is just sick to me, and shows how far she will really go to push her abuse and control. My daughters have told me she has threatened to spank them if they say the baby’s name in front of her. My grandpa was caught outside of my house, taking pictures of our family car. When I confronted him, he said incase he had to “track the bastard down.” Again, that’s sick.

When I stop and think of my family, I do feel sad for the loss. However, I have realized it is no different (and actually less) than the loss I feel after the death of my loved ones. I have truly lost nothing, and gained the full potential of a life I deserve. I am happy. My marriage is stress free, well not completely but at least it’s finally normal stress that sitcom writers highlight. My children have finally accepted their absence and show zero signs of loss or regret. Life is finally beautiful!!

What Can You Do About Your Recovery?

If you plan to break free from your abusive relationship, whether a family member or even partner, I’ve found that journaling has really helped me get past the anger stage. Write it all out and close the book. It’s best if you don’t reread it to avoid bringing those feelings back.

I have finally put a name to the condition my mother suffers from: Narcissist Personality Disorder. I’ve done loads of research on it (I created a Pinterest Board dedicated to Narcissistic Abuse), I found several books on the topic, and I remind myself every day that I am so much better than the person she tried to paint me as. It truly has been healing to learn that I’m not alone. That my mom will never get the help she needs, because she doesn’t (and will NOT) see a problem in her behavior. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the only mental disease that treats the victims instead of the effected.

I am surviving. I am free. I am safe. And you can be too!! I encourage you to reach out if you are a victim of any form of abuse. Words hurt more than a punch to the face, trust me I’ve experienced both. Learn the signs of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse and how to free yourself from them. You to can find happiness and love. I believe in you, it is easier than you think!!

Have Joy!!

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